The surprising thing about Maximilian was that he was an early retiree from Microsoft at 42, and having amassed a small fortune he quickly began do nothing whatsoever with his time. It was shocking and sad for me to see this hulking and hairy man waste what could have been the time of his life on lonely days wiled away in the company of his computer screen, humidifier and stolen collection of albums.

His music obsession was probably his most dominant trait. He had boxes and boxes of these burned CDs he rarely listened to. There were probably thousands of albums, each neatly packed away for some rainy lifetime in which he might actually find the wherewithal to listen to them, the Tito Puente, the Louis Armstrong, the Count Basie, the Bruce Springsteen and U2 albums he now had in spades. It was quite ridiculous really.

Maximilian and I got along to a point, but if it weren’t for my being entirely unable to respect him for his wasted life opportunities I would have hung around a lot longer. In the end I couldn’t help but move out. He actually inspired me to do better things with my life and I decided to do move to France. I left him in that musty basement, in the house on Queen Anne, the piles of boxes of CDs towering, teetering, ready to collapse upon his world to make him realize the size of the wall of piracy and desperation he’d built up around him.

I feel like he’s there still, rocking back and forth, embracing the stacks of CD cases like Golem and his precious, like a man obsessed.

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The above book, one I’m almost bursting to show you, is in the news of late because it’s come up on Sarah Palin’s radar (damn, can’t believe I’m even mentioning that woman), as banned book fodder.

According to Caffeinated Politics:

In 1995, Ms. Palin, then a city councilwoman, told colleagues that she had noticed the book “Daddy’s Roommate” on the shelves and that it did not belong there, according to Ms. Chase and Mr. Stein. Ms. Chase read the book, which helps children understand homosexuality, and said it was inoffensive; she suggested that Ms. Palin read it.

“Sarah said she didn’t need to read that stuff,” Ms. Chase said. “It was disturbing that someone would be willing to remove a book from the library and she didn’t even read it.”

Personally, I’m buying this book. Today. The randy look in daddy’s eye just spouts intrigue and mysteriousness. It will be gripping and exciting to the end, when Madam Palin thinks so or not.

Questions come to mind that need to be answered: Who is the bo-hunk in the back of the boat? How did he get there? Is that Jesus Juice in those cups? Are floral shirts coming back, or is the gay community holding on to that fashion sense? Will little Joey parlay his love for water fowl into a homo lifestyle later on?

The story is bound to get good.

Look for Mr. Willhoite’s other books too: Daddy’s Wedding and Uncle What-Is-It Is Coming.

Thanks to Toni for the find.

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You and pretty much everyone you know have lived in a roommate situation in your lifetime. Don’t tell me you haven’t.

This is why I’m here, to be your disciple. To listen and then pass the stories on to your fellow man, so we can all laugh and raise our glasses and smile together as we sit and talk shit about each other behind our backs. I come to you requesting your stories, your dirt, your spiteful venom. Tell me good people of the Interwebbernet, what has happened to you?

Come sit by the fire and tell me, and in turn the 100,000* people who visit this site every day, what happened to you and your friend-by-lease-signature that night on the back patio after the sixer of Smirnoff Ice and half-bottle of Southern Comfort?

To quote my submit page:

Here is your opportunity to finally get it off your chest. To free yourself of what it is that’s festering inside you. Send in your stories, ruminations, one-liners, stonewallings, diatribes and raves and they’ll be posted in the manner in which they arrive.

So there you have it. Don’t worry for length, perceived readability, or self-judged quality. I’m telling you, it’s all good in my eyes. You see these eyes? They wouldn’t lie.

And yes, at least 100,000* people will love you for it. They will admire and love you. I swear to fucking God.

* You heard me, I said 100,000 people

Submit you diary here.

Share and Enjoy:

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I talk bad to my ignant ass international student roommates every week (via @jdb2010)

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She made it 100 years

So I guess, even in your golden years you can still be so pissed off to find the strength to wrap a bag around someone’s head and strangle them to death.

I’m not a big fan of roommate murders – a good screening process should help you avoid a late night bludgeoning, but this story is too incredible to pass up.

To her credit Lundquist had “a long standing diagnosis of dementia” and will likely not stand trial due to her condition and the general ridiculousness of the situation.

The victim’s son, Scott Barrow, said to the press, “I don’t see how you can prosecute a 98-year-old woman, it’s like prosecuting a 2-year-old.” He then said, “I don’t feel vengeful at all. I feel pity for her.”

The motive remains somewhat unclear but it has something to do with Barrow blocking the killer’s path to the bathroom. That and the dementia.

The fateful couple had lived together for more than a year before the event.

All snark aside, it’s a pretty sad story. Everyone knows all parties involved are the victims, and the families are taking a resigned approach because of it. With her at the end of her life, there isn’t much you can do in the way of rehabilitation.

But still, wow. Combined, these women were almost older than the city of San Francisco. God help us all.

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Anyhoo, I was able find something pretty great there. And also something, frankly, I’m a little jealous of. It’s Roommate Confessions and I wish it were mine. It’s a little place for roomies to give away their choice little nuggets of dirty slander they’ve been holding onto for so long.

Here are a couple samples for your pleasure:

My roommate was this evangelical Christian homophobe. She used to sit up at night reading the Bible while trying to convert my sinning ways. (I had previously told her I was skeptical of Religion). In reality, I am atheist and a lesbian, which she believes is worst kind of sinner. Every Sunday she went to church I had sex with my girlfriend on her bed. Everyone knew but her, jokes on you biotch.
Simone Bouvois, FAU

Dear Charles, You kept going through all of my things, eating my food, and stealing my money so I microwaved your PS2 memory card. I promise not to tell anyone you cried.
Mike C.

Ahh, that’s quality spite folks. Good stuff.

Take a look at all the Roommate Confessions, but be careful. You’ll leave feeling a little dirtier than you did before you looked.

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Browsing around this here Internets today, I came across a Japanimated short that uses techno to illustrate  a dystopian irony that means more than it first appears (in Japan).  As you can imagine, we were excited!

Enjoy it, if you can before your head implodes.

(In Japan.)

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Oh, humanity’s youth, how I have misread you!

So okay, the site is pretty new and sure their sample is limited but according to them it seems like kids are getting along famously these days. There is one other questionable element to the rating system however, and that’s that there’s nothing to stop someone from glowingly rating themselves. Still, even with the abundance of megalomaniacs in the world, I can’t imagine someone coming to this site expressly to give themselves an abundance of stars. Either way, it seems my stereotype that humanity’s youth are all catty and aggressive was incorrect after all.

I do however think this is an extremely questionable and potentially explosive way to tell people about the roommate situation they’re getting into. First and last names are listed, what school they attend, along with their alcohol and drug use.

And it’s the ratings like this that make me doubtful this site will remain up for very long, what with the multitude of parent lawyers the nation over. Rate My Professors, the site this was obviously modeled after, at least garners some deference to the adult arbiters.

Good luck out there, kids!

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Then my knuckleheaded roommate decided it was an eyesore (much like the rest of the apartment) and needed to be replaced with a big, shiny, low flow vegetable steamer. The replacement took place without warning and my tropical sunflower was dumpsered in my absence.

What a jackass.

The luxury of getting in and out of the shower in less than 10 minutes was gone. Instead, I was forced to either stand there like a moron or run in circles and try to get wet. It sucked. I tried to replace my beloved showerhead, but alas, the environmental nuts in California have put the kibosh on stores selling what I needed.

Mornings are a bad time for me and last Monday I found myself on the bathroom floor, yanking this low flow bastard apart. I figured out that there was a restricter plate in it, only allowing a small stream of water through. I brought it to work with me that day and had one of the engineers bore the fucker out with a drill press to about 4X the original size. The rest of the workday was spent muttering “My precious” and laughing maniacally.

At the end of the day I raced home to install my little creation. Pants down, in the shower, water on, here we go. Wow. Have you ever seen footage of riot police blowing a person down the street with a fire hose? Imagine that guy with no police and no street. In a 3′ X 6′ shower. It hurt a lot. In my pursuit of the Tropical Rain, I have inadvertently converted my harmless showerhead into the Commando 450. (Seinfeld episode #126)

I guess the upside is the shower tiles have been hydro-blasted clean. The downside is coming to work with red skin and a concussion.

+ diary by -sb-

* shower gas mask by Chris Dimino

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To those that respond to this, you can’t say you weren’t warned.

$530 You get the bedroom. Have my space. (mission district)

This is a nice and comfortable. This guy that you will live with doesn’t easily show his old injuries, but has chronic pain issues. Retired from the Fed Gov. I am easy and fair. Connected to No Religion +/= 420. I need someone that will use this mainly for Sleeping and Showering or Whatever; light cooking doesn’t bother! You Go to a good job on time and and pay your way! Then all will be peaceful, warm and COOOL. You will get my respect. If you read this and and you know someone who needs just a little daily smart advice and understands (been there done that). 54 and try me for a part-time father figure. I only do stuff part-time. I will file taxes in 2010. If you lived with me and were waiting for stimulus hum, it could happen. No diseases or tell me before I hand you Keys. Your share of rent is Negotiable. Do you like that? Big Daddy here.

San Francisco like Paradise. Eat drink and be merry with gay.
Phone number upon request. Move in date is Open. Come and see!

No Nosey’s . . .

* Thanks to Muni Diaries and Mission Mission for the find.

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